go figure

Comment allez vous?

2010-06-16T18:28:00.000-07:00

No, I'm not being civil - my comments have gone!!! No, seriously! All comments posted by fiddlesticks (or rip van winkle or that god-awful taffeta) have vanished! In this blog, in your blog, in every other blog she ever left her insights in.. before May 31 anyway.

This is no way to punish a blogger- ok, ex-blogger - for an extended sabbatical.

Someone bring them back and I promise to look after this space.

S'il vous plaît?

Light!

2009-10-16T14:11:00.000-07:00

There must be something to this place if it made me of all people do a little solo drunken jig in my room now, to an unholy mix of TapYourFeet-ShakeYourAss-SwingDontWalk tunes belted out by the competing A-Top and B-First DJs.

If summers are here, can Diwali be far behind?

Ignorance unravelled

2009-05-16T23:32:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been frequently told that I plead ignorance a little too often. No conversation with me would be complete without a few I dunno's. One friend, conversation with whom only recently upgraded from the hi-bye variety, was thoroughly bewildered at the frequency of occurence of that particular phrase. Out of genuine, well-meaning curiosity, he blurted out 'How on earth did you manage to crack CAT, when you reply 'I dunno' to four out of five questions I ask you?'. Notwithstanding the fact that the CAT, thank heavens, is not a technical exam, his confusion is understandable. And when I look back to a time when 'I know!' was as much of a catch-phrase with me as the opposite is now - well, the wheel has come half circle, I guess.

Anyway, for the uninitiated, take heart, it's not as bad as it seems. There's more to an 'I dunno' than meets the eye; here's a primer to get you started, decoding that annoyingly regular expression. The most important thing to remember when you encounter this regex is that it comes in different flavours. And each of them signifies something new. So without further ado, I present to you Fiddle's Five Flavours of Ignorance for Beginners. Enjoy maadi!

1. The Filler - Sometimes, when yours truly is feeling particularly chatty, she dispenses with the conventional Um-Hmm-Mmm family of fillers, and opts for a higher species. One that has a meaning, but need not mean it. Yes, you, reader with disbelief and exasperation mixed on your face, you've got it right - an 'I dunno'! All the listener has to do is wait a few seconds, while she fumbles with the flashlights, and, hallelujah! Darkness is replaced with light! Ignorance with knowledge!

'So what exactly is all this fuss about the N-deal about, anyway?'
'Oh I dunno... See, the UPA's yapping on about the deal ending our nuclear apartheid, the Left is convinced we're ageeing to dance to Uncle Sam's tune, and the BJP is just sore they couldn't swing it when they were in power. Everyone else is, as usual, singing praises, advocating caution or muttering darkly, depending on how close to the fence they're sitting. '

2. Bother-me-not - Although the author of this post usually tries not to be purposely unhelpful, there are occasions when the effort is simply not worth it. Especially when an answer, the best that she can summon, would anyway be vaguely incomplete, or completely vague, as the case may be. Sample this -

'What exactly is Brats' project there?'
Ideal answer - 'Rate limiting requests to a web caching server named Squid'
Possibly expected answer - 'Some squid thingy'
Probably received answer - 'I dunno'

3. Breath-saver - Quite often, it might happen that I do know a little more than nothing about what I'm asked, but one reply could lead to another question, which might well be asking for a flavour-five (see below) 'I dunno'. So I take the wiser of option of saving time, effort and thinking, and make it simpler for all concerned.

'Why do you go home every other weekend?'
'If my parents had their way, I'd be going every weekend. But seeing how all I do when home is sleep, sleep, and sleep some more, so much that they wonder if I have some disorder, I dunno why they want me to come.'

In other words, 'I dunno.'

4. Sarcaustic - Some questions are plain stupid. You are not supposed to ask them, in the first place. They really deserve a nice, sharp, biting answer, only I don't much feel like having the conversation, to begin with.

'You lost your laptop? I mean, ha ha, how can someone lose their laptop, for crying out loud?'
'I dunno'

And lastly,

5. Face Value - Ignorance - true, blue, through and through . I haven't the foggiest idea what you're talking about.

'Hey, what's SMPS? How does it work?'
'I dunno.'

Bring it on, Bengaluru

2009-03-19T13:07:00.000-07:00

I’ve never really consciously fallen in love with a city before. Chennai is home, I was just born in love with it. Delhi is where chitapa lives and which is very hot. Hyderabad, when I visited it, was less about the city and more about first-trip-with-friends-just-enjoy-the-outing. Goa… is not a city. Which leaves us, in our discussion of the cities I remember being to, with Bangalore.

Everything about it – the good, the bad and the ugly (and it’s certainly got a generous share of the latter two) is so characteristic of the city, it’s hard to imagine it without them all. The traffic here does complete justice to all the hype about it - which is exactly what the autorickshaw scene has not done, especially to one used to the notorious Chennai autos. For a city so densely populated by migrants who speak in their native tongue with the locals, all the only-Kannada boards and banners are a bit of an overkill. And for the first time in my life I’ve actually had to buy new moisturizer lotion. Add to that the cost of living, the jerks, the well-founded safety concerns, the unscheduled power cuts .. yep, it has its share of woes, B’lore does.

Whatever. Those minor almost-irritants are entirely tolerable when you step back and survey the experience this city throws at you, every day. The bus travel and walking on the road is all it takes to meet such a panoply of characters. The driver who recalled me and my destination the second time I boarded his bus; the passers-by who became a friend for the ten minutes that we walked a common stretch to a yet-to-become-familiar bus stop; the burkha-clad bus lady who thrust a Jesus is God booklet into my hand just before getting off; the drunken auto guy’s friend who was convinced I was his sister; the guy who flicked my laptop and who could be but mostly isn’t reading unfinished drafts for new posts; the people from Country Vacation who promised me a holiday worth 25k plus goodies if only I attended a short lecture and brought my husband along … and a dozen other people I will never see again, won’t remember after a few months, if not for this post.

Thinking about it, even those dampers can be quite fun if you’re in the mood to appreciate them. Getting up and going to work, already a marathon for late-risers like yours truly, has just become something of an obstacle-race-cum-suspense-thriller, thanks to the traffic and the auto-drivers who refuse to go to a place within a 3km radius during rush hour. Twisted delight perhaps, but who cares. Calculating - even as I hit the snooze button and roll over(after responsibly messaging the regular cab people that I won’t be coming) - which of the half-hour shuttles I’m targeting, and accordingly when to get up; getting ready in half an hour flat; flagging down an auto after half a dozen others haughtily turn away when they hear ‘MG’; willing the traffic lights to turn Available from Busy; predicting the meter reading and fishing out exact change before we reach; running to the MGR Y!parking lot and reading the crucial expression on Security Uncle’s face before turning the fateful corner- to see the cab only just about to leave.. really, could I ask for a more knuckle-biting start to the day? Of course, we all win some and lose some, and there are days when the drama builds up to a major climax only to fizzle out as I see my comrade the Security Uncle shake his head sadly the moment I enter the arena. Nine and twenty minutes of reading all that can be read in DHNS/TOI and a consolation prize of a small nap during the ride to EGL, and I’m ready for whatever the rest of the day has in store for me. It’s an exciting life we lead here, yessir.

Granted, any place will offer its own potpourri of experiences, if only you will open your eyes to it. This being almost the first time I’m consciously seeking and enjoying them, though, I will always look back at these memories with a special fondness. This truly is an amazing city, daily reasserting its unique spirit of fierce coexistence - through the locals who share their city with the ever-increasing floating population; the Brigade Road fashionistas who remain defiant of the saffron brigade’s rising nuisance; the luxury-malls of UB City juxtaposed with the thrift shops on Commercial Street; the Mysore Silks and the Miu Miu bags.. you get the picture.

Bring it on, Bengaluru.

:P atience

2009-03-14T11:29:00.000-07:00

Eons since I blogged, I know. What can I say, any guilt I may have felt about letting this space rot has usually been compensated for by the full, full time I've been having here. New city, new life, new people, new lifestyle.. let's say I've been too busy savouring all the newness to record the feeling here :P

New post (proper one, I mean, not an excuse of a post, an excuse for no posts) coming up real soon, though, so hold your guns, oink, and watch this space :P

Thanks for your patience, see ya soon!

cut the carp already

2008-09-07T13:37:00.000-07:00

The superstar quipped in his blockbuster Basha, ‘A Japanese will die if he cannot work. An American will die if he cannot -’, I forget what – ‘An Indian will die if he cannot talk.’ Sweeping generalizations aside, here in India, it is a thin line between a talker and critic, for we are a nation of armchair experts, of people who have an opinion about everything from the n-deal to the traffic congestion at pondy bazaar, and are only too eager to enlighten anyone with half a functional ear. They can (and do) wax eloquent on all and sundry issues with such panache it’d be impressive - if it weren’t for that pompous dismissal of the entire system. Chronic whiners are a dime a dozen, and finding one dysfunctional tap in a train can set them off into reciting Top 12 Reasons Why The Govt Is Hopeless. Replace Govt with Railways, Media, Auto-drivers, PFA people, pretty much any form of organized effort, and then some – and you have a decent picture of the specimens.

While it is entirely understandable that people are less than happy about a good many things beyond their control(and not even the most regular contact with the irritant can dampen the quibbling spirit), all the harping and carping, with no suggestions for improvement, can sometimes get maddening. These are the people who can list flaws and faults in a trice but balk at the prospect of putting their money where their mouth is, and actually doing (or trying to do) something more than passive criticism.

I’m not against complaining about the things that are, and the powers that be, and everything in between. Hell, no. This blog, this very post, is proof I’m not. What gets my case is how often we hear people saying- and I paraphrase - ‘Those idiots don’t know how to do their work; if only I’d been in their position the contrast would be so glaring’, when in fact they have no intentions of being in anyone’s position but their own. ‘The one thing the Electricity Board has to do is give us power’, they lament, ‘and that they don’t do properly. What has become of efficiency?’ Extending that logic, what if we were to say ‘The one thing man has to do is live, and that he doesn’t do properly. Tch tch’? Balderdash!

Complain all you want, but woe betide you if that’s all you will do! Join a club; vote; write to the editor; contribute for a cause – and not a one-time Bihar Flood Relief Fund either; teach someone to read and write; sign up for a clean-up drive sometime; tell a few kids that people come before gods; try using plastic bags less; conserve water, power, paper; and get others to join you. At the very least, do nothing positive but say nothing negative. Not all the time. Even most of the time is quite putting off, come to think of it. Few things are worse than being a noisy empty vessel.

Q

2008-07-07T10:58:00.000-07:00

If nature loves symmetry so, why are there more questions than answers?

A pair of rose-coloured glasses, please

2008-06-19T08:50:00.001-07:00

Friday, June 13, 2008.

Midway through my newspaper ritual, I happened to notice the date. Friday the thirteenth. It was the first time I was around to witness the union of the pretty much innocuous day(it’s actually supposed to be auspicious, isn’t it?) and tainted number, to present the ‘sinister’ date. The earlier occasions (if any) don’t count – I didn’t appreciate the significance then. I was wondering idly if the day would bring any sort of misadventures. It didn’t,. Possibly because I didn’t have occasion to venture out of the house for most part of the day. That is, until 7pm.

My brother, struck by a sudden inspiration, looks at the clock and with a violent start demands to know if I’ve collected his spectacles from Turakhia. Ensconced in the island at the centre of washed clothes waiting to be folded, I nonchalantly reply in the negative and continue folding his shirt, tut-tutting at its collar. Rather than express derision at the Surf Excel lady on the small screen at that very moment, he gives me what he imagines is a threatening glare, and bursts out ‘But they were due an hour back, you fool! Go get them right now!’ My aunt, reaching for a towel from the pile, is about to say something when he bellows ‘GO! NOW!’ Wincing from the assault on her tympanums, she gives me a beseeching look that clearly says ‘Spare my eardrums any more damage and just go get the darned glasses.’ With a sigh, I hand over my dad’s half-folded shirt – collar unworthy of any remark – and straighten up and ask my brother to get off the sofa already. ‘But why?’, he has the nerve to ask, ‘I’m not coming with you.’ Hands on hips, I inform him, if he doesn’t care about his precious spectacles, I most certainly don’t so would he please stop expecting people to run his errands for him and also change the damn channel before we all scream bloody murder? Watching the likes of Jackie Chan saying 'Aaku paaku vethala paaku' is only tolerable for so long. Obligingly, he channel surfs and, with a look of incredulous delight, settles to watch two early-men specimens trying to knock each other’s teeth out. Momentarily forgetting that he hasn’t acknowledged the specs part of my tirade, I ask him how on earth we’re getting Ten Sports without a Set Top Box. He simply shrugs happily and continues to stare at the screen rather gormlessly. One of the barbarians is lying prostrate and the other is holding up this one’s hand, with a horrible menacing smirk on his grubby face. Excuse me while I puke. Before I can launch into another tirade, my brother tears away from the tv long enough to give me a puppy face and explain his homework schedule in minute detail and plead with me to go by myself.

Statutory warning – My knowledge of spectacles and frames and lenses and whatnots is abysmal, mostly because I have never had anything to do with them. I daresay that isn’t much of an excuse, but there it is. I’m not even sure what my bro’s specs look like, and what the guy in the shop told me they would do to repair the broken black part.

I walk to the shop, hand over the bill, gaze around at the objects on display with mild curiosity while the assistant tries to locate the right brown-paper cover. There are lines of them, brown-paper covers with their fragile contents, neatly stacked in drawer after drawer near the counter. The assistant hurries forward now, triumphantly clutching one such cover in one hand and my bill in the other, apologises for the delay and makes quite a show of carefully opening the cover, extracting its contents, and brandishing the pair of glasses inside. A drumroll would not be inappropriate now, for all the drama he made of it. I accept the proffered item and examine it rather ineptly. Like I said, I’m not really familiar with my bro’s spectacles, except that they are much sleeker than either of my parents’ and makes him look intellectual as opposed to geeky. I remember the first time we went to the eye doctor, both non-specs-donners then. After getting half the letters on the last line wrong, my brother told the doctor he just wants a cool pair of spectacles. Stylish, he said. Cheeky little jackanapes. Anyway, back to the present. The specimen in my hand seemed a good likeness to me, except for the, whatsitcalled, frame? The long thin line, its end rests behind the ear? Yeah, that. My bro’s, I knew, was quite slender, almost like a wire, pretty much 1-D. This one, though, was kinda fat, definitely 2-D, and forcibly reminded me of my grandpa’s spectacles. Hesitatingly, I ask the assistant for the bill, not that I expect it to be of much help. Was inconsequential anyway, cos he announces it’s company policy to keep the receipt. Now whoever heard of that? Whatever. The assistant, finally realising I’m lingering in his shop with a look that does not convey satisfaction, deigns to consult the bill and assures me they did what they could to repair it, and it’s fully usable now. He even flexes the frame(that line, whatever it’s called), as if to prove it’s fully functional now. Semi-convinced, I thank him and let him usher me out of the shop.

I congratulate myself for my near-perfect timing in sync-ing with the traffic lights, manage to cross the road walking, only breaking into a small run 5 feet from the platform. A boochandi (that right? Bogeyman?) muttering on the pavement at passers-by, grins suddenly and for one mad moment I wonder if it’s at me. Bah, you flatter yourself, my mind tells me, he’s mad, isn’t he? Of course he isn’t really looking at you, even if it seemed that way. He’s laughing at the world, hon. Reassured, I walk on, mostly averting my eyes from people.

By the time I reach home, any doubts I may have had about the specs, have disappeared and replaced by an evil anticipation to see the look on my brother’s face when he sees the thatha-frames. Kicking off my floaters, I give him a thoroughly nasty smile and nudge him to open it, barely containing my excitement. Yes, I know. I’m evil. Muhahahaha. With a great deal of apprehension, he tears open the cover and seizes at the glasses inside. One moment’s silence. And then - ‘Enna di idhu?? what the hell have they done to my frame?’ My cousins can barely contain their laughter, and my aunt wrinkles her nose at it in open distaste. None of it helps my brother’s mood. With his usual disregard for other people’s aural apparatus, he asks me, with no hint of politeness, what on earth I asked the shop guys to do, and why, why they had to use such a hideous frame. Without waiting for an answer (not that I had much of one – I simply told them the thing was broken, so could they please fix it, and when could I collect it?), he gives a fresh moan and now starts cursing the lenses. ‘Did you ask them to change the lens as well?’ He tries it on as I honestly answer no, and in a new tone of surprise, declares the specs aren’t his. Oh boy, that sure wiped the grin off my face. I stutter at him stupidly. ‘Huh? Not yours?’ ‘No, you idiot’, he replies scornfully, all the tension evaporated now, and my cousins’ amusement is now at my expense.

Chagrined, I retrace my steps in silence, my weak ‘I told you to come with me! This is why you should listen to me’ falling on deaf ears. Shaking his head merrily, my brother feigns reproach and repeats the same phrase over and over again. Any annoyance at having to walk to the shop after all is forgotten as he gleefully makes unflattering comments about my competency in such simple things. To my mortification, as we turn the corner, he is seized by an abominable idea - to loudly say ‘Second time to same place!’ and give a pained sigh, at intervals, intended for passers-by. Pooh-poohing my suggestion that some of them might think him cranky, he tells me the others will definitely know I’m the clown here, and that’s good enough for him. Sigh. So much for an uneventful Fri the 13^th. I don’t venture any more opinions, and concentrate all my energies into tuning out the litany of his one-word summing up of my abilities. Not that I succeeded. The phrase continues resound in my head whenever my mind takes a break. Doesn’t miss a chance to leap front from where I’ve shoved it, the back of my mind.

‘Dubuku di, dubuku’

This post is a helluva long one, I know. To make up for the prolonged sabbatical,perhaps. Mostly, it comes as a result of my decision to take a leaf out of naren’s book and convert everyday nothings to humorous anecdotes. How bad was it? And be honest!

Change of cast

2008-06-18T12:54:00.000-07:00

My good readers, rip van's decided to take a break from blogspot. And to take his, er, her, place, I give you - wait for it - fiddlesticks! **smiles happily**

Come to think of it, this blog has mostly been sleeping, and that's exactly what the proverbial Rip Van does too, so maybe that's why! Now howzzat for some sophistry? (gre fodus, you better grin now!)

Wonder how long this one will last, now.

Exit rip van winkle. Enter fiddlesticks.

r.i.p

2008-06-10T09:46:00.000-07:00

There was once a blogger called rip van

who, interestingly, was not a man.

She thought and sought

to outdo the drought,

and they gathered her ashes in a dustpan.

Critical analysis

2008-05-20T12:11:00.001-07:00

Hypothetical situation -

X is walking down the road, minding her own business and looking nowhere in particular. Ten feet from the shop she meant to go to, she is stopped by a scraggy-looking man and a woman carrying a child. All three look lost and tired. Feebly, Man asks X if she knows Hindi. Somewhat reluctantly, X gives a diffident nod.
Man (croaks; X has to strain to hear him): We were going to go to Rameswaram but.. (trails off on seeing X’s face)
X (without meeting his eye): No money-
Man: Don’t want money. Biscuits.. food.. (points to child)
X looks at child and quickly looks away. ‘ I’m not carrying food’
‘..If you could help us.. child.. milk.. biscuits..’
After a moment’s indecision, X fishes out two ten-rupee notes, hands it to grateful Man, points vaguely at the distance to a grocery store, and walks on hurriedly. As she's walking, she becomes aware of two hitherto unnoticed bystanders with unmistakeable sniggers and just a hint of amusement on their faces, and hastens into the shop in relief.

Question -

Was X a gullible fool in the above passage?

au revoir

2008-05-18T13:04:00.000-07:00

It’s time for the resurrection post again, the first back-home-to-good-net-speed post. The one that is usually a recap of the sem that was, and plans for the hols. The sem that is to be is too far ahead as yet( and anyway, that will be part of the last-rites-before-hibernation post) Right now, the only thing I can remember about the last sem is.. just that – it was the last sem. Still feels surreal to think that I might never see some of those faces again, that when I go back to campus for the last time, to see it rain-washed as I first saw it, it will not be quite the same.

Because it’s not just your circle of friends and all the times you had with them that you’re going to miss. It’s everyone, and everything you’ve always associated with them, set against that one unifying background of BPGC, that you’re going to miss. It matters not if they were a Somebody or a Nobody to you, whether or not you can attach a name to their face or a face to their name, they were all part of the big picture that will be incomplete without them all.

The guy who always came late to class, the one who always wore one of two tshirts only, the funny- haired fellow (which one of them, you’re wondering, now, aren’t you :B), the girl with the phone round her neck, the guy who slept through s.k.ghosh’s first p&s lecture and began a long series of thoroughly forgettable pj's, the Breakfast Guy whom you only seemed to notice in the mess in the mornings, the girl who petted the campus dogs when noone else would go near them, Bandage Guy cos his hand looked like a mummy’s the first time you saw him, the guy who spoke of Internal Bleeding Inside, the always impeccably-dressed Mr.Mon , the girl who always got up and ran for class, Familiar Face (and to this day, you dunno who he reminds you of), The Enlightened One, the Blue Brilliant Boy, the Insomniac, and Case and Whistle and Red Shoe and Superstar and DDRF and Cannonball and Smiling Face and Hermione and Assistant and all the rest of them, who, bless them, probably have no idea you know them, or worse(?), this is how.

Maybe you no longer refer to them by these first-impression nicknames, maybe you found that first impression isn’t always the best impression. Maybe you now know them well enough to call them something that alludes to a special memory between you, or maybe you know them no more than you did when you coined that first nik. They may have been the first people you noticed as you began a new life in this campus, even before you made your first friend; they may be the people who, unwittingly, are part of your first memories with your best friend, or they may be your best friend. It doesn’t matter, you’ll miss them all, varying degrees or not.

This post, then, is dedicated to all those friends/acquaintances/strangers, nay, to all my batchmates and seniors – the first faces I saw on campus – for all the memories we shared without really sharing.

tch tch

2008-03-27T08:46:00.000-07:00

Midsem ppt and report for COP due in a day. Both yet to be started.
T2, the current next time of ‘I will do better next time’, in the near future. Disturbingly near. Preparation - zilch.
Lab tests in analog and eiit shortly thereafter. ‘Nuff said.
Ditto PSOC project. Whatsit stand for again?
Project hunt for 4-1. What, who, what?
Placements next sem. Silence.

And yet, all I could think of as anita agarwal was teaching dual slope ADC was which color recycled paper to use for my college-memories scrapbook. :/

Poetry (ahem ahem) for a change

2008-01-30T07:33:00.000-08:00

Remember Fatty of the Five Find-Outers (Enid Blyton) and how he used to make up poems at the drop of a hat?? As it turns out, it's not that difficult after all, if you're sufficiently vetti, and have a fellow jobless freak to egg you on to make up 5th-standardish poems (as in, poems written, not read, by 5th grade kids). Presenting Whose Chat Is It Anyway, courtesy rip van and naren.

ज्ञानं परमं बलम्

2008-01-28T07:53:00.000-08:00

A few days ago I was reading this one ebook, Hacking for Dummies, so as to get some sort of footing for a Quark event. Anyway, the introduction made for pretty breezy reading (cos it was all in plain English). Which is when mr.author decides to inform us that he's made a bunch of Foolish Assumptions (yeah, it's actually titled that) about the readers,and apologizes for it too. And Foolish Assumption no. 1 is that I'm familiar with basic concepts of computer-, network- and information-security-related concepts. Arghh. It said Hacking for Dummies, for crying out loud, how much plainer could I get?? I dunno the first thing about networking and security and crap except that I can't stand this McAfee Security Centre on my comp now. And no, don't ask me why, long story.
There isn't a single topic I know of in Wikipedia, whose explanation does not include several links to other (possibly) new, related concepts.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, it just makes me realize how interconnected soo many things are, and how little we know no matter how much we know.
The ocean of all things unknown makes me feel so small, so insignificant, so full of wonder. Behind anything, everything we use every single day, things we don't even think about, from a toothbrush to this laptop, is a story of a myriad minds and hands, from the ones who conceived of the idea to the independent efforts of so many others in implementing it, to bring it home to us, ready to use.

Guess it's the Quark spirit (and the Techfest spirit and the Pragyan spirit and god-knows-what-other-college-fest spirit, except those spirits are all second-hand for me) but it's a time to pause, cherish and savour this unending quest for knowledge that sets us apart as a race.

When you leave behind the studying-for-exams factor, you just have to appreciate any science for what it is. Any subject.

The whole wide world is just.. so.. grand.

Felix Felicis.. slurp :P

2008-01-05T11:15:00.000-08:00

I’ve always considered myself lucky, if there’s such a thing as luck. I’ve never really thought much about it, except for the small prayer of thanks I mutter on those happy occasions. Just making the cutoff for a grade, being fortunate enough to maintain an 8-point cg with minimal efforts, things generally falling in place after the initial chaos - I’ve never questioned the quirks of fate any of those times. Why would I, you ask, when everything’s just fine and dandy for me. After all, who says ‘Why me?’ in the midst of good fortune? Fair enough. It’s the ‘Why her?’ of bystanders that I’m scared of, that I do not like. Is it my imagination, is it a guilty conscience, a low sense of self-worth, or is there an accusatory undertone to that question? ‘She doesn’t deserve it, why her?’ I can almost hear the unsaid words hanging in the air. I don’t know, I want to tell them, I don’t make these things happen. It’s as unexpected to me as it is to you. And I can’t help but share some of their feeling, that maybe I don’t deserve the good fortune. Hell, it kills the joy of feeling lucky in the first place. In fact, it’s almost worse than being unlucky, this, having ‘ill-deserved’ good luck thrust upon you that makes you feel all guilty and unworthy. Almost.

But when I think about it, I realize there are as many instances of bad luck as good, just ignored or forgotten. I’ve missed grades by just a few marks, too. And I’ve had my fair share of just-missing-the-bus (yes, figurative) episodes; instances that make me wonder if Murphy used me as his subject. But no, they are only seen as either amusing anecdotes, or what I had coming, due to my own faults.

There is method in the madness, even if it is not apparent to us. God doesn’t play dice with the world, after all. So even as the seeming injustice rankles, and you frown disapprovingly as Lady Luck smiles at me, remember, whatever happens, happens for a reason. Today it’s me, tomorrow it could be you. Or the day after. Or - you know.

PS - And any fool who calls a totaling mistake in my paper, luck, deserves a punch in the face. Those are my marks, smart alec, I’d be unlucky not to notice it.

new year request

2008-01-04T08:51:00.000-08:00

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

- The Serenity Prayer,
as it appeared in A Million Little Pieces, by James Frey

oh happy new year!

2007-12-31T10:00:00.000-08:00

In less than half an hour now, it will be curtains for the James Bond year(as oink observes). But save the sporadic sounds of crackers, a few whistles at the bus-stop earlier this evening, wishes from all callers now, new calendars from parents' offices waiting to be hung, it's the same as any other day to me. New Year has never really held a festive something for me, like, say Diwali. A few resolutions now and then, and even those not very well-thought-out. For as long as I can remember, the one thing about New Year that would make me curiously happy, was getting used to the new 4-digits in the date, everyday at school. In the first week of Jan, I would beam every time I opened a notebook and wrote the date. The memory of that childish wonder makes me smile (and the grown-up-ness of that last sentence makes me raise an eyebrow in amusement).

The cracker bursting seems to have completely stopped. Funny, you'd think it would get all the more frenzied now.

Resolutions for this year are vague at best. Don't much feel like sitting and fine-tuning them now. There's time till I get to campus, anyway.

I like to think each year gets better than the previous. So I'll drink to that trend, and hope it continues. Cheers!

So long, 2k7! Wotcher, 2k8!

&$#(^*^@!%

2007-12-28T10:10:00.000-08:00

Swearing. Second nature for some, highly distasteful for others, but for the broad majority of us, no big deal. None of us being chaste angels, I’m sure we all toss out a few choice words every now and then, depending on the situation.

Frankly, I’m no great fan of the 4-letter vocabulary. Wait, I didn’t say I abhor them like some puritan, or cringe every time I hear them being thrown about flippantly. Far from it. I myself have used a number of ‘ineffable expletives’ (as my English teacher would say), some very much a part of my everyday jargon. The argument against swearing, I know, is that it betrays sound culture, and nice manners. But what is the point of sounding as hoity-toity as that if it doesn’t express how you feel? I’m no drunken sailor when it comes to swearing, but if you are, I wouldn’t hold it against you.
That said, I must admit it’s a tad annoying when an entire conversation revolves around a few words; when every second word you hear is the same swear-word. Far from being offensive, one just comes across as being inarticulate.

As for swearing in writing, it strongly smacks of poor vocabulary more than anything else. Agreed, sometimes, it’s more fitting to use a single ‘unparliamentary’ word than a whole para of ranting. And it’s perfectly justified to vent occasionally by peppering your writing with some colorful words. But mostly, a passage full of the same few words inserted every-which way makes for pretty dull reading. Unimaginative at best, and offensive at worst. Guess it all boils down to context, and being able to express yourself.

And what is it with ‘swear words’ anyway?? They’re just as normal as any other words; they’re only as popular as they are cos of the taboo. Forbidden-fruit-tastes-sweetest all over again. Half the reason why cussing feels as good as it does when you’re in a rage is cos u know its taboo. Most people don’t even think about their meanings when they use them(forget the priceless gems who curse at the drop of a hat without knowing what they just said). In fact, if we were to simply make up some words, and taught them to kids and told them never to use them, why, we’d have a whole new swear dictionary! As far as I’m concerned, they are simply expressions of dissent, and nothing more. Their meanings only serve to give them the blessed tag of curse words. It is precisely for this reason that I can’t stand how some people find ‘thu’ particularly objectionable. I don’t see how it’s any worse than any other swear-word.

Perhaps the reason we no longer find so many of these swear words offensive is their overusage – they’ve become so commonplace that we treat them the same as any other word. Like they say, fuck aint a word, it’s a punctuation. And how normal it is to hear people(ok, I guess here, and everywhere else in this post, people = young people, say high school – college crowd, mostly) greet one another with these so-called curses. We simply respond without batting an eyelid, it’s that normal. So what does that say of us? Just that we think no more of the words than any other greeting, as simple as that.

Personally, I think ‘why the devil’ sounds a lot more creative than the so much more common ‘ytf’, but knowing that both intend to convey the same meaning, why object to either? And doesn’t ‘ a barmy old codger’ or ‘a worthless pile of bat droppings’ sound infinitely more innovative than, oh let’s say, ‘fucking sonavabitch’ ? (jkr \m/) And Captain Haddock, the drunkest sailor I know of, did have a large abuse-vocab, even if he was partial to a few choice expressions.

Ah well, to each their own, I guess. All said and done, filth-mouthed sailors will remain as they are, and really, why the f*** not?

Face off

2007-12-18T10:19:00.000-08:00

What would the world be like if everyone said exactly what was on their minds all the time, if the internal censors disappeared? If we stopped filtering out the uncharitabe thoughts and blurted it all out without a care? If we throw caution to the winds and went around calling people the names we’ve always longed to instead of pretending they don’t get on our nerves when they so do? I’m reminded of a poem we had in 12th, Once upon a time by a Gabriel Okara, about people wearing masks all the time, saying things they don’t mean and pretending to be nice simply because society expects it of them. But yes, what if it werent so? Sounds good? I dunno. Agreed, it would be a huge relief not to have to plaster phony smiles on our faces, and act pleased to meet people we wish lived light years away. And how liberating it would be to give some prize jerks the much-talked-about piece of our minds, and be done with it.
But that’s precisely the point – would we be done with it? The world would then be a much more open and honest place, certainly, but more unpleasant too, surely? Because it’s just not possible to do away with less-than-perfect interactions and exchanges. Like it or not, we will continue to have to live with playground bullies, know-it-all classmates, annoying team-mates, nosy relatives, grouchy colleagues, unsympathetic bosses. That being the case, which is better – open hostility or fake pleasantry?

I’m not trying to sell an opinion here – heck, I don’t even really have one. All I know is, I’m quite a many-faced person myself (yech, that sounds truly horrible, like I’m some mythical monster and a big hypocrite as well). Honestly, it’s not a trait of mine I’m too crazy about. People have such diverse, even contrasting opinions about me, that sometimes make me wonder just what I really am like.

Maybe we’re just programmed to come up with reassuring answers to disconcerting questions about ourselves, or maybe it’s just me, but I’ve temporarily managed to keep the nagging doubts at bay. Same system, different input --> different output, right? So same situation, new person would still classify as a new situation, wouldn’t it? Little wonder, then, that I react differently to different people, that they carry different impressions about me.

As for the real me, that’s still a tough one. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to answer that. Maybe Staind had it right, and inside we’re all just the same, ugly.

I realise I’ve digressed quite a bit, and that no real conclusions have been drawn, but who cares. This is not Section B.

It’s okay, after all. I’m okay, you’re okay, we’re all okay. (repeat)

AGLA SAWAL

2007-12-17T09:48:00.000-08:00

They say you always go crazy in your first comp sem,when you first open your eyes to the joys(?) of dc.There is always something to keep you distracted – movies, countless sitcoms, gaming, and for some, mainchat, whether merely watching or participating. For some reason I happen to have major starting trouble with movies and tv shows, and can never get myself to download them and then sit and watch(although once I start its difficult to stop, prison break taught me that much). Nah, for me dc obsession has never really been any of this.

What began as a mild fascination with trivia(Latin, useless knowledge) rapidly progressed into an all-out addiction– question after trivial question about anything and everything under the sun. From hellishly long acronyms and anagrams to baseball team names, from capitals to goddamned lyrics of unheard (of) songs to movies, and ridiculous phobias and some truly nice word connects, there’s sure to be something for everyone- provided they can type like the devil. More than half the questions will be skipped before you can say ‘pass’, and all the answers will be followed by 0.0, ‘ckf’, ‘arggghhhh’, some colourful language nobody even stops to think about, and more commonly, the nfdlvnfvb fed.bvglbhrglb rgtb kjcsvbfsbv flbv of the less articulate. Throw in a bunch of veteran spammers, and you have a scene of total, un//ed chaos ;)

The endless hours spent answering a bot spewing question after trivial question at you do not come without a price, ob. The immediate casualty was, duh, acads – somehow trivia-ing was never as enticing as it was during tests. Be it T1, T2 or the not-so-grand finale, Compres, you could always count on the regulars to keep ws mainchat alive and moving(down). Not that they don’t occasionally try to knock it off – such topics as ‘padh lo saalon, kal paper mein trivia nahi aayega’ can be seen right in between the ‘all play trivia and bring down avg’ variety.
Also, you suddenly end up having a lot more virtual conversations than real ones, looking at a buncha yellow smileys rather than some real faces with less-than-perfect grins(who grins like :B anyway??), and lol more than you laugh out loud. Hmmm. Maybe it’s all a phase, and we just go with the flow.

On the bright side, you finally acquire some new knowledge in coll, and can even see your (nik)name on the Top10 list of something, and feel smarter than you ever have since you left school. And you make a coupla efriends in the bargain. Good enough, I say.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

2007-12-16T11:19:00.000-08:00

Yoyoyoyoyoyoyo, home sweet home at last!!!!!!!!!!!!(agreed, i cant really complain about missing it that much, having come home not once, but twice in the last 6 months :D )

Another sem has flown past, and quite a different one at that. Although thus far I've been inclined to put it down as the worst one yet, now, looking back, it seems quite alright. A sem filled with activity like never before in this campus – placements, guest lectures, dance, music & drama nights, Quark notices alll over the place and pre-Quark workshops(phase-I), quizzes, new clubs, farewell parties and yearbook signings, … There is a new dimension to any talk to do with the future - now that it looms larger and more real than ever before. The forgotten scenario of entrance exams, what-next, fork-in-the-road situation is back, albeit vicariously, through our seniors, the first batch of outgoing BPGC students.

I, however, feel like I’ve either been writing tests or going home, and all other activities have been crammed in between. And how. Elections. Super-fun Deutsch classes that left us wanting more, not least because they were so irregular (blame it on tests, zephyr, diwali, dussehra, yadda yadda…). Winning the Zephyr trophy. \m/ . Trivia mania - (I began typing about it, but decided to dedicate a whole post later to this newfound addiction). A wonderfully on-the-spot Shaastra trip. Meetings and more Waves meetings – nothing compared to what it is to come, though. Thankfully, the time for discussions(read quarrels and standoffs) is past and there will be more action and less squabbling in the months to come. Deco labs and copied assignments. Legendary power cut in campus – bestest times ever; the lib lawns have never accommodated so many students, not to mention their frisbees, footballs, chess boards, and packs of uno and playing cards. Diwali in B’lore – Happy Days on the big screen and not feeling the need for translators. Dratted CDCs that seemed destined to result in Cs and Ds. Unfailingly being awed by every new Quark poster on the notice board. Sleeping after breakfast and getting up for snacks, if that. Project rush, and finally landing one, so now can look forward to an even tighter next sem. Compre bdays, such awesome stress(?)-busters, a blessed break in the midst of all the mindless cramming( unless of course its your bday – cleaning up the muck is hardly the kinda break one hopes for in those dark times). Packing. Leaving.

And finally, the world’s stopped spinning so madly. 3 weeks away from dc, bloody paper distribution(why does it stand out so much in my head???), stocking up on Tiger, waiting in line for food and cribbing about forgetting coupons, nightly-coffee-followed-by-walk, and all the rest of it.

Not for long, though.

ps - for those who couldnt decode the topic ----> Long time, no C!!! muhahahahahhahahaha

obfscatdcod:)

2007-10-05T11:56:00.000-07:00

nosbstanctothispostrallysimplywantd2sjsshowgibbrishthiswilllook,typinfrothkybwith3(asfarasivnoticd)dysfnctionalkys-illltfigrotwhichthrthosar,assminofcorsthatractallyjoblssnogh2sitnrdthiswholthing.btwifrmadatthispost,goyllatOINKitwashisida!
scondtimimcominhom2ncontrthisawsomkyb,withinaspanoflssthan2wks:)
okwonttortranymorwiththisionlyjslookdptolookatmycrationandifiwrinrplacihighlydobtidspndlogrthan3scodsonthispagwillingly-givnntspdsincamps,ofcors,mightbforcd2bhrncrsmlongr:D
yoyoyoyoyo:DthankgodYandOarworkingfinidhatnot2babl2yoyoyo!
andifmanagd2gradallthisprhapslagrwithmthatvshdhavthisvrsionofobfsctadcodcontstforortchfst,itssomchfn,aintit?
ch33rios!!

I wonder..

2007-09-03T18:05:00.002-07:00

Haven't posted in so long, feel like doing so just to break the spell.

5th sem is abuzz with activity – meetings, lectures, quizzes, new clubs, old clubs with new goings-on,.. it hurts the eye to look at the notice board sometimes.

For me, 5th sem seems to be a time for retrospections, deep thinking, and lots and lots of self-doubt and question marks. Deep eh? U bet.

Pensive is nearly a stand-by mode these days, I think more than I talk, and honestly, that’s new for me, whatever impression I give to the world at large. Whereas earlier I had to fight to keep my eyes open in so many classes, now I perpetually drift off into deep thought during classes, and hence stay wide awake(I’m not sure how much better this is – now I live in constant fear of thinking aloud and blurting out something ridiculous in the middle of a lecture. Also, I fear the expressions on my face are often suspiciously out-of-context for the subject being taught. Hand on forehead, deep breaths for simplex method? No way, not even shalu would buy that).

I wonder if I’m on the right track, career-wise, I wonder if I’m too rude, I wonder if going home just before test1 will be too big a mistake, I wish I’d thought a little more before opting for french and then shifting to german (after a helluva badgering the elusive mr.pradhan), I worry about irregular meals and too much sleep, I wonder how ur still reading this, I wonder if im a spoilt brat, I keep wondering why i couldnt just go yell at the unnamed loser i saw throwing a paper cup on the footpath, I wonder if I really do have a peter accent, I so often long to be able to turn back time, and I constantly remind myself we must never regret our choices, I wonder what my maktub( is that right? Destiny? From Coelho’s Alchemist) is – sounds way profound,huh? I wonder if I should simply go to sleep now, its so bright outside, I wonder how much i should put in here for everyone to see … I wonder, wish, ponder, worry, reflect, muse and marvel at myself and everything around me.. and this is only ever the tip of the iceberg. Although in a different context, Ron’s words are perfect here – ‘One person cant possibly feel all that, they’d explode!’

Weird post, I know.

back at birla

2007-08-18T15:24:00.000-07:00

didnt really expect i'd be able to post while in coll, but looks like wonders never do cease after all :) somehow, im finding it a lot harder writing in campus than while at home,maybe cos i rarely sit alone to think and write. possibly that might change soon, now that i finally have a laptop. the sheer number of ppl around has meant im always (as jobless as ever, ob) in someone else's room or the usual sit-around(s) in the campus during the "walks" we religiously take (of course, in this season, theres a lot more sitting around in sheltered places than walking). the surroundings in the hostel are such a stark contrast to home, where im at my widest awake when everyone else is fast asleep. that, of course, never does happen here. no matter what the time, there are always rooms with lights on, there are always ppl online on gtalk(besides the ones with 'zzz' type status msgs, duh), and dc of course never sleeps(the joys of dc, im yet to actually discover, i confess. still havent installed it, DONT ask me why).
its only been 2 weeks since the beginning of the sem but as usual feels like soo much longer. how time flies!!

how i love this weather, the goa-special monsoon that has a mind of its own - the sudden downpours, so often right in between spurts of bright sunshine... little puddles... the grey clouds captured by soo many of those omnipresent cam-phones... deliberately getting drenched by walking in the pouring rain for half an hour (and escaping all possible side effects)... curling up under a warm blanket and drifting off peacefully with the rain lashing at your windows... full-hand kurtas... coffees overruling iced teas at nescafe... the campus looking so greeen (kinda wild here n there, in fact)... ive never been a nature freak but this time of the year, everything just looks soo beautiful, esp on my new, 2 mpi, 16.7- million-colours nokia 6300 :P
mondays ok, but why would rainy days bring u down??? am guessing that Carpenters woman never heard of the goa rains. the only downside is that clothes r always damp. also, ur quite prone to slip n fall, esp if ur late for class(ob, how can u get up on time in this weather??) and are hurrying across the, um, rugged b wing square (or watever) with its rather unusual design, the purpose of which stymies many.

and of course, there are all the other components of the wet spell semester to smile about as well- flying squad(im still not sure why its called that), new clubs, new mess contractor (finally) :D, soon-to-start french classes, elections round the corner(always a source of great entertainment for those away from the limelight), after that Zephyr and the inter-hostel storm it brings with it. and the usual resolutions i make ranging from buying fruits(and eating them) to reading the newspaper regularly to sleeping less for gods sake.. and maybe a lil more on the academic front as well - maaybe ill actually learn something this sem that ill remember next sem. yes, its the '3rd year!', 'CDCs!', 'placements' .. effect. ah well. dont wanna include all that here now.

but in the meantime, i shall sign out, hoping, as vaish wrote, good things are just round the corner. adios

physic-ally impossible?

2007-07-25T10:31:00.000-07:00

knowledge is power supreme;

ignorance is bliss;

half knowledge bloody sucks.

this post is the result of the pent up frustration ive been feeling lately over how little i seem to know, how superficial my knowledge of most things is, how im feeling increasingly stupid day by day as i discover more and more things i should know but dont.
right, ur wondering wat caused this outburst from nowhere, this sudden self-realisation - well, exams. not even mine. my 10th std bro whose schooldays now fall in one of three categories- pre-exam: hurriedly finishing portions, revisions, re-revisions, etc; exam: no need to elaborate, we all know that dreary routine too well to have to recollect; post-exam: marking schemes, report cards, rank lists, i-will-do-better-next-time's. repeat till the showdown next march. anyway, having skipped through the english paper (salient features of prepn include large dosages of the latest from jkr), he informs me that im supposed to sit with him as he wades through the science textbook and lend a hand whenever he's stuck in the muck. ha. as if. im not entirely sure how, but somewhere down the line, my parents, poor dears, have got it into their heads that their daughter (me, that is) is this all round genius (read: maths, physics, chem, bio, eng) and a brilliant role model for the next unlucky board exam facer in the family(my bro, that is). having aced the 12th boards, teaching measly class 10 science for a mid term exam must be a cakewalk as far as they are concerned. how sadly mistaken they are.

ray optics. oh brother(literally, as it happens). the second i see those kinda phrases- gravitation, archimedes principle, newtons laws for cryin out loud, the words motor, generator, armature,.. u get the picture - all physics-related terms u may come across from grade 9, i see in my mind's eye a lot of blurred text, half-formed pictures of candles and mirrors, and rapidly changing images of a variety of ill-fated experiments in the physics lab and endless 'discussions' in 11a and 12a under the physics teacher who longed to hear the bell more than any of us. btw i did like the physics teacher, i jus didnt like her physics teaching.

"Light travels in straight lines. This is clearly illustrated by the fact that a small source of light casts a sharp shadow of an opaque object".
elementary, my dear watson. i wish.

my brother looks at me enquiringly and i realise he's waiting for me to elaborate, and its apparent he doesnt think its all that clear. guess that makes it two of us. cheers. ''well?'', he prompts, and i respond half-heartedly with the tried and tested vague beat-around-the-bush technique. shameful, i know. and of course it doesnt work. without getting into specifics, lets say i took a break from the physics tutorial (no objections from the tutee - it should be a word if it isnt already one) and went online, and asked the first person i saw on my list, to kindly explain this simple fact. which i then humbly relayed to my bro. and no, im not gonna insult ur intelligence by explaining that here now, i know u know it.

this is just one classic example of my abysmal knowledge(?) of a vast number of things im expected to be comfortably familiar with. it just doesnt come too often to light cos everyone thinks everyone knows.

here's another - a couple of weeks back, i met up with two of my school friends, one doing b.com and the other architecture. i dunno how, but right in the midst of the mundane hows so-n-so..omg i havent met her in ages.. she is going out with him??? type of conversation, ms.CA-to-be goes ''hey i was just wondering - how do aeroplanes fly??" and like clockwork, both their heads revolve to look at the engineer(semi. whatever) who has suddenly turned tongue-tied and reticent. engines. propellers(eh?). wings. hmm??? admittedly, its hardly the same as knowing y there are shadows, but my point is, i can barely rustle up any relevant principles or theories or watevers or even throw abt some big words (aerodynamics.. pressure difference.. upthrust.. which are keywords from responses i got when i confronted fellow bitsians with the same query)
physics and me. psst. look at the title ** nudge nudge wink wink** yes, i know. the wittcism is overwhelming.
going deeper, electronics and me. dear lord. i dread to think of the next year.

and it doesnt stop with physics, no, in addition im also this technology-retard which today is not a very good thing to be. whereas ppl around me are talking about dsp's, embedded systems, trojans, graphics cards, whatistcalleds, i'm- wtf, i dint even know wat DSP stood for until april, when there was this sudden frenzy over lop's cop's.. jumping onto the bandwagon without missing a beat, i joined my friends and off we went, chamber to chamber, and one of them instructors was talking about dsp, and i kept enthu-ly nodding my head all the while thinking he was talking about ESP :(

im the joker who, when asked how much disk space matlab takes, will sincerely reply 4kb after checking the desktop shortcut; who, a year back, was flummoxed when confronted with questions like "what kinda config u lookin at for ur comp?"; who was stupidly blinking at the monitor when told that her entire ps1 folder was hidden as a joke; who thinks her fantabulous new laptop is currently a very well-disguised blessing... u get the picture.

i dunno what the point of this blog is or if it even makes sense. im feeling a lot more at peace with myself now than when i started typing, but dont have the heart to chuck the whole thing so there u go. plus i have this strong urge to post one final blog before leavin for coll, before i switch from braodband to lan. abrupt ending, but i just realize i havent packed boggle yet. my answer to keep the grey cells busy. so long. happy journey to all of u, ill be unpacking when u guys start packing.

peace.

of boss, bossini and more trivial nothings...

2007-07-18T10:12:00.000-07:00

dont wonder abt the title.. completely unrelated, the two of them.. the coincidence simply struck me and for lack of anythin better to call the post, im stickin to it.

neway, i finally managed to get my dharshan of the superstars latest feat, a few days back. and well, to me, it was the usual mix of stunts, punch lines, style statements that characterise his films. u cant help but notice the grandeur in the sets, soo hyped up, which to me seems a colossal waste of money. and time as well - one year to make him look like he was badly whitewashed??? sad.

all that money might as wel have gone into some real sivaji university. the story wasnt exactly refreshing, and as any review wil tel u, its all the extras in the movie, rather than the story, that have thrown the masses into such frenzy. Brand Rajnikant + shankar + arr. no wonder. kinda bemusing for the non-fan. amusing too. and minus the usual suspension of all logic and reason(by now poor newton mustve gotten sick of turning around in his tiny grave), the comeback in the second half was cool, sivaji style :P

oh boy, any fan will be turning murderous when they read this simple one-para dismissal of the gazillion-rupee project of the demigod's. or perhaps a scornful dismissal of one who has no sense of appreciation. either way, its certainly worth the experience, to watch the superstar on the big screen, amidst all the ruckus(read mad cheering and confetti throwing). "summa adhirudhu illa?!"

and now, less lofty subjects. bossini. :D so much more satisfying, personally! if u dont already know wat that is, im guessing u wont b impressed. distinctly let down, in fact. right, girly stuff, or so they say... SHOPPING!!! *** gleam*** its this cool shop in pondy bazar, with the coolest discount :) proper discounts on normal clothes, not some sad pieces they have in excess cos of some lousy fashion forecast. they ought to pay me a commission really, with the no. of ppl ive sent there - vid varsha soori bk.. a pity so few ppl seem 2 notice it.

nicest part about it is that the salespeople there arent the snooty ones who follow u around like u'll flick somethin from their precious shop. such a variety of them, salesppl. on the next level, we have the oversmart types who pretend to be extremely helpful but are actually just taggin along to minimise their work in terms of replacing clothes u might misplace. bah. in fact, with some of them, u'd think ur doing them a favour, giving them somethin to do, they look bored to tears, and their shop is dead quiet(as in, dead empty).

class three are the truly nice ones. the ones who wil let u do ur thing, pick a favourite, then wil smile sympathetically as u wrinkle ur nose at the price tag. they may be polite, helpful but thankfully distant. or, as my mom informs me, in the case of sari shops(where they have maximum work to do, satisfying the whims of every cranky shopper), they may be bubbly and chirpy, ready with a smile. not the stiff plastered smile characteristic of class four, the exact opposites of class three. u literally have to plead with them to show u that blue one, not the next. of course its available dammit, u can see it!!

to be fair, front end workers do have it tougher than the others, having to put up with all sorts of customers, from the irate snappers to the despairingly fickle to the plain pain-in-the-neck types who walk in with their nose in the air, turn the shop inside out and walk out hands free, nose even higher up.

oh the joys of shopping :D

ps - shops -> bookshops -> crossword, where they let you sit for ages and read what u want, and have these little stools all over for just that :) naturally, i took advantage of this comfort when i went there today, and settled with mugglenet.com's What will happen in Harry Potter 7? its full of theories, rumours, snippets from interviews with jkr,.. all the elements that spice up the run-up to the grand finale, which, omg, is barely a few hours away!!!!!! and with that sudden jolt, i realise i must sign off, its late, n dear lord, have i actually been prattling about salespeople all this time??? im not bothering 2 go over this draft, ill fall asleep midway. rip van winkle has been feeling drowsy, so excuse the rambling and enjoy the book (or ebook, as the case may be). happy reading!!

ceeri-ously alright

2007-07-13T12:46:00.000-07:00

the last post was soo glum and gloomy, with all the whining and complaining, that i feel compelled to write another, cos it just wont do to end the ps chapter on such a dismal note. plus, on this side of ps, everything does seem ok after all. and no, its not the comments that have driven me to re-write the ps recap, i was simply waiting for it to be formally and completely done with, when i knew i'd feel fully positively about the whole thing, when i knew i'd look back and laugh. am jus sorry i dint do enough of it already, so here goes-

first and foremost, the whole course sure was some experience. in fact, the disappointments and drudgery of it all make it that much more worthwhile. life aint easy, and its never too early to get used to it. so in that respect, i guess im happy to have got my first real taste of the proverbial big bad world out there.

right from the ''this is not your college'' comment by some csir guy, in our very first week, cos we were leaning on the parapet wall, up to the seminar question round that i took so much offense at, for some reason - its been one big roller-coaster ride, dramatic though that may sound.

yes, ive done more than my share of whining, and thanks to everyone whos been patient enough to put up with it all - bk, who was simply bewildered at how much of a pessimist i'd become overnight; hbk, who, for all his non-sympathy (''u got your first choice?? then u have NO right to complain'') is still much better a counsellor than i give him credit for; gdk, with his lolest suggestions like wearing a sari to impress the scientist, who would always make out his bitsunami to be even worse in comparison; and everybody else for everything!

be it the ox-like, not-much-thinking-involved work i was inclined to believe i was doing, or the strict adherance to organizational timings expected from us( not that we completely followed it - my lunch breaks extended from 1-3, but that, i think, was the only lapse) , or in general, n ra's uncompromising principles on following the rulebook, word to word - it all simply added up to a new way of life for a month and a half.

as for the travel that seems to be the ubiquitous reason of complaint, i never did hate it so. on the contrary, i enjoyed the ride around the city (which most ppl found specifically annoying), at least i got to know my singara chennai(yes, i know ur bah-ing now giz! arrghh!) so much better, thanks to it (ya, any1 who knows me fairly well wil now be wondering how bad i mustve been to begin with :D). and all this from a person who lost her wallet with atm cards on the very day she was reflecting on how she had succesfully nearly completed over a month of public transport and managed to keep her belongings safe!! oh, to think some1 mustve flicked it even as i was blissfully congratulating myself - a tragic comedy, if i say so myself.

and n ra really is a nice guy, quite a rare species - havent met someone that sincere in a loong time. honestly it makes him quite of of step with the rest of the world. he's already told us thrice to simply forget the whole bus-stop incident (''please erase it from your databases'').

and well, if it hadnt been for venky, i bet i wouldnt have learned one bit of what i have now(which, i confess, isnt much, but still). and he did have a flair for talking. big deal if he would only look at the others as he spoke, i was listening anyway, n it was good timepass all the same. and his expectation-time curve finally turned out to be a U. i hope. kinda unsymmetric, but still.

oh boy, im sure gonna miss ascendas :P

nice ps mates, all of them. we may not have had a ps-trip to ooty or watever ( i highly doubt my parents wouldve lemme go anyway) but hp-5 on the last day of ps is good enough :D (i quite liked the movie btw, ob cant hold a candle to the book, but nevertheless good attempt).

yoyoyoyoyo PS1 IS OVER!!!!!!!!!

couldnt resist that last one :P i did mean everything i said before!

alls well that ends well. fillosofical eh?!

rant rave crib crab

2007-07-12T04:24:00.001-07:00

long one ahead. ideally for insomniacs. dont say i didnt warn u.

with the seminar n report finally out of the way, ps is virtually over(n for all u lucky asses for whom it really is over, kindly refrain from rubbin it in!!). but ob, n ra felt duty bound to remind us yet again that v r expected 2 come tomo as well, and wats more, not leave b4 5 either, same as usual. (snort) understandably, his faith in our sincerity is a tad shaken, ever since the bus stop mishap.

as for the seminar itself, the less said the better. mine, at least. in fact, mine only. oh sod it, it was a bit of a disaster, what with my own scientist, who, far from comin to my rescue in helpin me answer other scientists qsns, shot a bouncer at me, knowing full well how remarkably abysmal my knowledge of the theory of my project is. (and im truly sorry for my apparent affinity for long sentences, i dont intend them to b that way). In all fairness, i should have been able to answer him, but damn it all, i didnt. i just stood there goggling like a stricken goldfish, mumbling some vague reply, and just exiting the scene abruptly once he answered his own question. no thanks, nothing. ungracious eh. whatever. its over. good to get it out of my system, anyway. and if ur bored of all the whining, u did read the title.

ya well, ive been feeling like this major pushover lately. maybe cos 'tis the season to be whiny, but thats how i look at all the days ive sat in front of venkys comp, accepting meekly, without the slightest sign of protest every additional bit of work he gives me, like theres nothing i'd like better; hours and hours matlabbing away, typing with a vengeance, wondering why i dint have the nerve to tell him ever NO, actually im NOT all that keen on extra work. Ya, im sure the wavelet theory with its near-magical properties is as beautiful as he claims, but, guess wat, im not quite in the mood to appreciate it any more. ya ok, i took ceeri(remind me why, somebody?) i know, i know - im here, might as well learn somethin along the way. but the theoretically flawed ps1-is-for-timepass logic seems too deep-rooted for me to just devour new knowledge like that, and enjoy all the learning.

equity theory rocks (ha, i did NOT jus mug up pom last sem).Fact of life if ever there was one. most ppl i know r home after lunch, whereas im usually debating between stay- till- 5.30- catch- the- 5.45 train or leave at 5 and take a crowded bus, plus traffic... ps diaries that read like animal safari(thats fol, lolest), or include mentions of bombay meals for 12 bucks, vs. writing page after page abt corn, starch,blah, model, blah, NIR, BLAH... visiting ps twice a week vs. "complusory attendance this sunday cos v must follow organizational working days". seriously, where is the justice in this world????? thats exactly why i get pissed with ceeri now n then (ya, i usually live with it pretty well. i think.). on absolute terms, ceeri prolly aint all that bad (v gave it 60% when venky asked), but for us bitsians, everythin is relative.

maybe my thinking is warped, n im complaining abt the wrong things, (after all there r others complaining abt zero work to do, as well). so that makes me, wat, a flake?? sigh. and too bad i do give a damn. Guess the grass is greener on the other side.

oh well, its as good as over. and theyr giving us certs(sort of). and well, its entirely possible, probable even, that i mightve been complaining just as much if i had nothing at all to do, for all the money they make us pay for this.
oh and yes, they did give us 2 mondays off in compensation for that working weekend :)

peace out

POST SCRIPT(ya, ive had enough of the abbreviation) - also, u have GOT to be feeling better after reading this, right? so thats another plus- lift other ppls spirits; so much for relative misery!

7 more days to go

2007-07-05T10:16:00.000-07:00

with the official completion of my project 2 days back, i'm into the last leg of the BITS summer special, Practice School 1. and how do i feel about that? frankly, relieved, i would say. this last lap, its just like that of a return journey from coll - the stations are all on home ground - but from arakkonam to good ol' chennai central, the last hour DRAGS so, home tantalizingly far away.
its been a mixed bag of feelings, most of them negative to be honest. just so i can relive this whole experience everytime i read it, im going chronologically, right from day 1 up to day- well, up to today. u do the math.
those first few days were of fresh hope and maybe the slightest enthusiasm for whatever fancy project would land on our plates, before we had any idea what to expect from ceeri. they're remarkably quick here about allotting projects, and so, it progressed to a mild curiosity about the topic of my project, shortly thereafter, that lasted for about a week, the one, the only week i was to have no pressure at all, as my scientist guide assured me. i must admit, though, that the curiosity and interest rapidly diminished to plain bewilderment and panic, as i continued to listlessly read the two books he handed me, to get myself acquainted with what was to come.

the next few weeks are best summarised as ones of intense hopelessness at the task in hand(venky just gave me a deadline and went off for some hi-flying conference for a week, and boy, the word deadline had never been more apt), despair, major self-deprecation, lots and LOTS of whining, cribbing, wishful thinking about some other, any other ps. yes, we(me, gow, pavi, shrini) were quite fanatic in our belief that we had it worst off. predictably, we were not amused by the line on the quote-of-the-day notice board (which btw does not change for at least a week) -

Things are never so bad that they cant get any worse

-From the movie, The African Queen.

add to all this misery, our beloved instructor, n rajesh, ps-division in-charge, pilani - the embodiment of sincerity, discipline and everything else u really really dont want in ur ps instructor. ur doctor, maybe, or ur banker(or is it accountant?? i wouldnt know) but not ur ps instructor, for gods sake! having solemnly informed us that we were to strictly follow organizational timings, workdays, holidays, yadda yadda, and that he wouldnt be repeating it, he proceeded to do just that in every visit of his. punctuality was the one goddamn organizational virtue he didnt possess- we routinely waited for at least half an hour thrice a week when he was scheduled to visit us.

if my scientist (who, incidentally has the gift of the gab, and can talk about any subject for hours, knowledgeably, or at least so it seems) had any notions about BITSians and hence of me, whether due to previous batches or otherwise, i was here to disillusion him, and quickly. as his pop quizzes soon revealed, i may have read and i may have written, but remember i dont, cos learn i did not, in quite a few cases, which sadly were all the subjects he liked to quiz us about.

with more and more of my project completed, every stage faster than the previous, thanks to the increasing familiarity, the end actually seemed near. there was a time when my project was always 'almost over'. while that did improve my mood ever-so-slightly, the blues were still there; the earlier hopelessness was simply replaced by an inability to feel a sense of satisfaction or pride - i wished, still wish, i could be happy about being a smart-worker than a blah, sincere(sort of) hard-worker, slaving like i did with all that data and the same few functions over and over again, for different sets of numbers, doing, in my opinion, nothing more than a glorified data analysis.

but it is now time for photos,final reports, feedback forms, and last minute paperwork. the optimist is me is fighting back, after a lonng time, and even as i struggle to recap the summer in a positive light, i know the the memories, good or bad, will make me smile - skiving off to join the others in 213 the moment venky leaves the room, and those endless minesweeper games there, the only non-scientist territory.. lunches at ascendas, to lunches at ceeri followed by chumma hanging out in ascendas..learning the hard way how to un-hide files on a comp.. getting caught by n ra at the bus stop, and haplessly watch 5c leave without us as as he lectures us on the road.. leaving for lunch as the lunchtime-over-bell sounds and returning as the tea break starts..having venky actually compliment my typing speed as im alternating between gmail chat windows and matlab, all with his blessings, no less :D.. ceeri-clri meetings at hot chips and ascendas.. move from feeling annoyed to feeling sorry for n ra, the ambi of our times.. those 2 days of bliss with no scientists, no labs and no libraries.. the coinstructor tow of whose every three sentences would begin with 'i'm not paid to do all that'.. dd and fg and glasgow and mobile phones(LOLEST)...

7 more days to go.
so close, no matter how far.

thuest!!!!!

2007-07-03T09:30:00.001-07:00

For about the thirty seventh time this summer, i debate, in classic Friar Tuck fashion, as i recollect the image of that woman in the bus leaning across me to bless the road with a red shower, about taking the real effort to organize a clean-up drive at least in my neighborhood. and about Sounding Off in the Metro(always the optimist, assuming the article is accepted) about the next-to-zero civic sense in our country, or at least the people I see everyday in the bus, in the train, on the roads, how utterly uncivilized people can be, spewing saliva every which way like it’s their birthright.
It makes me seethe to see some dude all nicely dressed, company tag sticking out of his shirt pocket, spit oh-so-casually on the road. why, why??? do they run to the wash basin in their offices, homes, every so often, too??? I long to tell these people exactly what I think of them, but coward that I am, want is as far as that goes. Cos im scared of the fluent local tongue-lashing that would invite, and which will positively include more than mere civic sense. and so i content myself with giving them the most repulsed, revolted, disgusted, scornful look i can muster. and ob, whoever the look is meant for wont bother and some others give me this funny look and with a sigh, rearrange my face, jus wishing the whole thing wouldnt bother me so. And sometimes I think I should pull out my I-card, flash it for a nanosecond and pretend im from some clean-up squad and can levy fines on those shameless losers(and no, idea aint original, got it from tht chetan bhagat book, the call center one). But yes, god, the whole idea is laughable. Ludicrously ridiculous. As if anybody would give a rat’s ass about why some depraved anniyan-wannabe girl half their age is kicking up a fuss over the normal, accepted our-city-is-our-dustbin non-issue. which jus makes me wonder- does it take a psycho alter of some mpd patient to make ppl sit up n do somethin abt this?? in fact, they only have to NOT do something, thats how easy it is!! is anybody listening though :( like blog 1, again im hoping for a yes

numero uno

2007-07-02T07:44:00.000-07:00

its a beautiful feeling – lying in bed, sleep far away, feeling good for no specific reason, and your mind, notorious for its monkey-ways, jumps from one good thought to another random one, connected in the most obscure way. and suddenly it occurs to me i want to remember these thoughts, i want to capture these moments, every thing about them, so i can truly relive them, which is what has spurred this impulse to start blogging. plus maybe I’d like to hear the occasional comment that an unbiased stranger offers, simply by reading random musings in my head.

these are the thoughts, little snippets, that were flashing across my mind - these 'holidays' with ps, and why i still love it with all the cribbing about 1.5 months of ps thats neither here nor there- not at all timepass but no hi-fi project either; the things i really like, that have a feel-good, therapeutic effect on me – the way some words are spelt and spoken- like rhapsody, say. I just love the word- how its spelt, pronounced, what it means, everything about it. And nuance. And turquoise. And quintessence – it sounds so other-worldly, always has. Bougainvillea, chrysanthemum, those letters in that order somehow hold some charm for me, nothing to do with images of the flowers, seeing how I have no idea what they look like.. and how i love reading an oooolld, feel-good, IM conversation i once had the good sense to save.. writing on the back of photos.. going through old stuff and finding something new ive missed before… the smell of rain-washed earth in the middle of this chennai summer (mmm manvasanai, i don’t know what the English equivalent is, or if there is one).. reading the newspaper cover to cover and feeling I can still catch on with the world and its happenings.. reading the Letters to the editor, and actually know which previous article the writer is referring to.. remembering old stories and characters from Orient Longman English textbooks.. checking off items on my to-do lists.. timepass notes on doors in hostel rooms... remembering bits and pieces of the kural I read in the bus and having my parents recite it verbatim and explain its meaning.. finishing, not even all, but most clues in the crossword.. weekends that feel like heaven, after a long week of ps.. drinking elaneer and relishing it, less for the taste or thirst-quenching than the knowledge that I jus consumed something healthy and pure(right?!) … being the first to arrive at ps(only when the climate is like now, all drizzly all the time) and sitting on the doorstep watching the gardener mow the grass, and even better, being among the first to leave(WHAT a rarity,though) and just in time to catch the parakkum train .. seeing the coin pass from hand to hand in a crowded bus, and the ticket retrace the route... And more and ever more.

so thats it i guess for my first blog. pretty erratic, all of it, from the punctuation, not to my taste- id rather it were here or there(phrase of the day??) to.. everything else about it, i guess.. and theres more, so much more to come, the voices in my head are certainly more than a match for my fingers on the keyboard, but will i sit me down n put pen on paper, so to speak, again in the near future? hmm im hoping for a yes.